the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
