i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
