I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
