I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
