I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
