so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Still dying that you shit outside
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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