I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
