I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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