Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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