I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
