I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she told me i tasted like america
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
