it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
