Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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