yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
