So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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