and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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