I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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