im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
