guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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