So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
