im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize