so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That was an excessively violent trivia night
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I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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