Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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