What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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