Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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