Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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