You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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