Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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