Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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