i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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