You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
