I feel like abortions should bother me more
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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