This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
