I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
