Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Found your dick twin last night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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