respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
