chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
