dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
