I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize