i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
