Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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