My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
