Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
