I'm jealous of your bromance
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
