Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
