the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
