He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
