im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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