is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
