You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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