I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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