why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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