i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
