You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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