just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My ass is underappreciated
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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