I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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