Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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