you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
