i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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