There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize