my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
