Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize