matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
one two three fourrrrnication!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
