I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They are going to name an STD after you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
