I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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