You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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