Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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