I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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